You are in: Timeline -> 2000 -> Wedding -> Speeches -> Dave's Speech
The Bridegroom makes the first speech, toasting the bridesmaids. The best men then reply on behalf of the bridesmaids and generally take potshots at the groom's life:
Well - welcome to sunny Morecambe…
It is traditional for the groom to begin his speech with a time honoured phrase, after which the audience titter and giggle as if they thought it was never going to happen. And that phrase? Any suggestions? Do I hear “Never thought I’d see the day?” Or perhaps: “Which way is the airport?”.
No – we all know what I mean – so all together now: “My wife and I” [repeat if necessary if the audience are useless] – Thank you…
You may well laugh. There are those who never thought they’d see the day – and I count myself as one of those. In fact, many years ago Tony and I had a bet in a pub about who would be a bachelor longer – so, Tony – here’s the ten quid I now owe you. Mind you, I thought that you jilting that girl at the altar just to save yourself a tenner was a bit tight…
As most of you will know, Ann and I are now living in the good old U.S. of A., up in Seattle - and so this wedding has been organised across the ocean by phone, fax and email. Just an average year in the Stow household – change jobs, move house, move countries, get married – piece of cake…
So, tradition states that this speech is the groom’s opportunity to thank the people who have made it all possible, and in this case there are plenty -
I have to start with Ann – who has taken on almost all the organisation of the wedding, and made a particularly good job of it. A while ago she worked for Marston’s brewery, and when she left, she organised a booze-up in a brewery. It was the success of this that meant that I felt safe leaving the wedding planning to her.
I must also thank Ted and Amanda. Amanda here is one of Ann’s bridesmaids. And without their enormous help in receiving invitations, storing boxes and providing a bed for Ann and me to stay at their place, then this entire event wouldn’t have been possible. Cheers guys!
Also a special mention for Katy Shortland over there who has been our woman on the scene here at the Strathmore – with us being 7000 miles away in Seattle, she has been available at the end of phone and fax, and occasionally email, to sort out this end of the operation. As Katy is getting married herself next year, she’s been able to steal some of our ideas for fun things to do. And we’ve stolen some of her ideas as well.
Katy – we have a present for you here…
[Flowers]
I have to thank the parents of myself and Ann, without whom none of this would have happened. We have flowers for them also…
[flowers]
Also I appear to have rained on my Father’s parade, as his birthday is next week, and one big celebration a week is enough. However, a round of applause for my father Sid, who is 80 this year.
[pause for clapping]
Tony over here to my right, is half of my best men – he will shortly be given the opportunity to take pot shots at my past life. Ted, here on my right is the other half of the best men and he will be able to fill in the gaps that Tony leaves. Obviously they will have made most of it up as my past is blemish free and purer than the driven snow…
Though more than usual, two best men seemed like the minimum requirement in order that in the event of panic hitting, they could hold me up. Or possibly pin me down.
Ann also required some moral support and someone to lean on in moments of stress… And her bridesmaids have done this job admirably. Without them she would have missed out on the pleasures of finding the right bridemaids’ outfits. She would have forgone the delight of finding that the shoes shrank when dyed… And most of all Ann would have missed the fun of making the final decisions on make-up, lip stick, eye shadow, mascara, hair cut, and so on…
Anyway – at this time we, the happy couple, show our appreciation of the best men and bridesmaids by handing over gifts of great value and beauty. So here you go... The value of these has been enhanced by the posh paper…
[hand out presents]
Anyway – getting back to the people I need to thank… Barclays bank. They contacted me recently with a letter that began “Dear Mr. Stow, we have three problem accounts at the moment – Pavarotti, Cuba. And you…” They go on: “The normal model of banking in this country is that you bank with us, not the other way around.”. However, in a moment of insanity they have accepted that the wedding overdraft is so huge that I qualify as a third world country and may be eligible for debt relief…
Also coming under the “insane” heading is Nick Way, who did the reading today up at the Ashton. Showing dedication above and beyond the call of duty, he landed last night from Germany, at Stanstead, and has driven up the motorway to be here and read at the wedding. Tonight he will be around for the evening, before driving back down to Stanstead overnight to fly back to Germany for the remainder of the weekend where he is expected to work…
The registrar should also be thanked, for her open minded and steadfast handling of the wedding. Though we were disappointed that she did not allow the “Who wants to be a millionaire?” theme to the wedding. Refusing to get dressed up as Chris Tarrant, she also forbade the lightshow and the audience participation along the lines of:
Do you take this woman?
Can I ask the audience?
The audience respond: “Yes – you do”, and the registrar responds… Is that your final answer???
Anyway – my final tasks here are to encourage to take a look round Morecambe whilst you’re here – it’s a lovely little town with plenty to recommend it and a great view across the bay into the Lake District. And also to propose a toast to Ann’s support team – the bridesmaids Amanda and Sharon – “Sharon and Amanda”